barneys

I went to the Barneys warehouse sale yesterday at lunchtime. Eh. It seemed like nearly everything was Marc by Marc Jacobs. It's still more money than I really want to pay and too silly for me to really wear. I'm sort of sick of his marching band meets Gunne Sax meets pink and purple unicorns styles. Judging by the fashion week coverage, even Marc Jacobs is sick of it. Now he wants us dressing like Hasidim. That's just my luck because I've already been working that look for years.

central park

On Monday I went back to Central Park to see the north side of The Gates and the snow. It was great! I love the snow. I love the park in the snow. I love the Gates in the park in the snow. Following the Gates around gave me a fresh appreciation for the landscape design of the park. It's a pretty miraculous place, really. I took too many photos, probably. I'd show you but I don't have a digital camera. And I had my first celebrity sighting in a while. Pale Male, the hawk who lives on 5th Avenue. He is even cuter in person! So dreamy!

He's Just Not That Into You

Ok well, I just read “He’s Just Not That Into You” (HJNTIY) and I’m sure people will want me to report about it instead of having to read it themselves. The way it’s structured is that each chapter gives you one more way of telling that he’s just not that into you. E.g., he doesn’t call you, he doesn’t ask you out, he doesn’t want to have sex with you, and/or he’s married to someone else. After reading these I was able to discern that not only is no one into me now, but neither were most of the guys I thought were into me in the past. Kind of a downer. The author bases everything on the premise that his experience is the exemplar for everyone. You meet the woman of your dreams, you know it instantly, you love and dote on her, hang on her every word, meet all her expectations, call her five times a day, and reform the dickly ways of your youth. You ask her to marry you and live happily ever after. It has me wondering, what did his wife want? Does she love him, or does she, to quote the song, “love how you love me”? In describing himself, Greg Behrendt plays on the fantasy most women have grown up with, the doting loving husband, and the love at first sight thing. It’s what everyone wants, men and women, and if you think you don’t you’re lying to yourself. At some point he finally comes out and says “How many times do I have to repeat it? [though it’s the first time he has] Women cannot separate sex and love.” It’s the same old thing…women put up with putting out in order to get love. Apparently this is genetically programmed from the so-called caveman days. Men act on the evolutionary imperative to spread their genetic material to as many places as they can. It’s against their nature to get attached. Women on the other hand want to make sure that when they have babies they also have someone to bring home the mammoth so they can sit around and eat bonbons in the cave. It’s against their nature to work, so they have to make sure they can get someone else to do it for them by harnessing the male sexual urge. HJNTIY doesn’t say all this, don’t get me wrong, but it’s sort of the baseline for the discussion. Needless to say, I’ve never been a big fan of evolutionary psychology.

According to the book you must not ask a guy out or otherwise pursue him, because that will turn him off. Guys love a chase and they’re not going to want someone they know they can get. Well what about girls? It seems to me that the desire to chase men and to seek a challenge is one of the things that drives all these elaborate rationalizations in the first place. We hope we can solve the puzzle of why he didn’t call back. We hope we can get him to like us. It’s our chase and our desires that keep us fixating on someone who’s unresponsive. HJNTIY doesn’t allow for this possibility. They’re saying that what is driving women to fixate is a desire to recoup the emotional investment they’ve already made in a guy who’s being unresponsive. I totally identify with this. I’ve often whined to myself, “God…I have to make this one work, ‘cause where am I going to find another one? You mean I have to go out and get to know someone like this all over again?” I definitely get all Procrustean like that. “You’re going to fit in this bed if I have to cut your feet off, dammit!” Sometimes it’s not about recouping the investment. Sometimes it’s about “winning.” And we could all stand to take a step back and ask ourselves if it’s the guy (or girl) we really want, or it’s just the victory. By the same token, women being pursued sometimes need to look beyond the flattery and see whether they’re being chased for the chase’s sake.

What did I get out of the book? Well, that you shouldn’t have to struggle and fret and suffer and obsess quite so much. Eventually someone will come along who you love and you won’t have to make up elaborate explanations about. (This was repeated in a Saturn commercial I saw last night. The girl is saying, “I kept asking myself, ‘why doesn’t this feel right?’ And then I met Ben and finally it just feels right.” I was thinking it was a commercial for eHarmony, because she’s picking Ben up at the airport, and eHarmony tells people they should do a worldwide search in order to find their perfect match. But no, it’s a commercial for the car that’s like a perfect boyfriend.) What I’ve been getting lately out of dating advice is this sort of Buddhist scene, that you shouldn’t have to push and struggle too much in life. Say you like some guy who says he’s scared to be with you. This could mean exactly that, that he has issues. Or it could mean that he’s not interested and making up an excuse because he doesn’t want to come out and say he’s not interested. But it’s useless to keep guessing about it, because it amounts to the same thing: he doesn’t want to be with you right now. So move on with your life. If you’re putting all your energy into fussing and fixating about someone who’s mysterious and recalcitrant, you don’t have the energy to “be the best me you can be” or to let anyone else in to your heart.

All across America, women have read this book and decided to end their “better than nothing” relationships. They’ve ceased booty calls and breakup sex. HJNTIY has shattered illusions and left fewer women on the end of strings. I think they need a sequel about how they propose that we find and identify the guys who won’t string us along and be dicks. Because I for one am at a loss.

japan is weird

In the "japan is weird" column, I was looking around for descriptions of Japanese matchmaking parties, known as "gokon," and I found this strange page. It's an international chat room of some kind. I don't know where the guys come from, I don't think they are Japanese. They really hate women, it is interesting.

And the fun just keeps going in the article and comments that spawned the link above.

Dating Times

A reader says after reading the TimeOut NY "be a better dater" issue he is totally amped and ready to try weird dating events. I say don't lose that momentum! Don't wait until I'm invited to one or wait longer yet for me to get one together. Try 8 at 8, which places you at dinner tables at restaurants with other single yuppies. And then report back, ok? Hmm, I'm not sure how expensive it is, though. They say, "Compared to expensive matchmaking services or video dating services that cost thousands of dollars, Eight at Eight is extremely affordable." Or how about The Lunch Club? It's not just for lunch anymore. It's not just for dating either. It seems to cost just slightly more than going out to eat (or do other activities) with people you already know. And you can do career networking there for no extra cost. Singles on the Go is a sort of tacky website that has some useful links to many more events of this nature. There are even two groups just for tall people!

I read that TimeOut article too, and was taken aback to see that the event I'd gone to was in no way unique, apparently other people are doing them. However in the article they said it was all (straight) women. The one I went to was very strict about women having to bring a man, so there was definitely not that problem.

I can't say that I recommend speed dating, though as a franchise opportunity it seems to be a winner. There are now at least 9 different services in New York. Speed dating is a trial by fire. It sounds good, doesn't it? You can see if you have that elusive "chemistry" with someone? Don't waste 3 hours on a blind date, just 3 minutes? I don't know if you can find chemistry in 3 minutes, actually. It just means having to answer "so what's your story?" fifteen times in a row. And the pool of singles? Well imagine going online and doing a search with the only parameters being "within 25 miles of NYC, age 25-35, looking to date." And then meet the first 15 who come up, no matter what. Is that worth $35 to you? And your self respect and self esteem besides? At least at the dinner party you can have a nice time talking with the group, hopefully, even if you make no love connection.

christo

Were you there? Did you see it? Everyone was there. I went to Central Park yesterday and I have never ever seen so many people there. The crowds themselves were almost the most exciting thing about it. As Michael Kimmelman noted in The NY Times, the flags make you feel as if you're part of a parade. Everybody marching around. And around and around. One really interesting effect that I noticed was that many people donned orange clothing or accessories for the occasion. It didn't even occur to me to do that, but it occurred to hundreds of other people yesterday morning. I only saw the southern end of the park, which is always where most of the visitors are. I think next weekend I would actually like to return to the north side of the park and hopefully see some more sweeping vistas. I went from The Plaza to The Met. At the Met I slipped in the handicapped/groups entrance, then beelined to the roof deck elevator at the rear. There was a pretty long line so I took the stairs, which were also mobbed. It was orderly but slow, like at the Statue of Liberty. You can't really go fast enough to get tired. Finally I got to the top and it was so underwhelming up there. I feel bad for anyone who paid the full $15 admission just to get up there. You could barely see any of the Gates. Not recommended! I guess the artists did say they were not meant to be seen from above, but that doesn't stop me from scheming to get to some higher vantage point that overlooks the park. One thing you can't get from pictures is the quiet little sound of the gates flapping in the breeze, and the feeling of the sun shining off of them. It's pretty cool, you should go. It will be up until the 27th.

comments features

Just as I was about to move my comments to HaloScan, Blogger made some improvements in the comments feature that may keep me using it for a while. Now comments are in a popup window. Now they have the time AND the date. And now you don't have to be anonymous if you're not a blogspot user. You do have to click the "other" button under "choose an identity" and then it gives you two fields for your name and/or url. And you don't have to click through two or more screens to do it. Well ok maybe two; it doesn't display the comments in the same place as the comment entry field the way haloscan does. Hopefully they will catch up. I thank you for your patience.

cuz it's ladies nite

Last weekend I went to what I ended up calling a "singles mixer" at a bar, the Dakota Roadhouse to be exact. The brilliant premise was this: surely great single women know great single men who for one reason or another they don't want to go out with, and the single guys they know should meet the single girls they know and maybe somewhere in there there'll be a love connection. Brilliant, right? Actually isn't this the premise behind Friendster? And how successful have you been in dating from Friendster? I believe so strongly in this idea. Why does it never work?

The rule for this evening was that every woman had to bring a guy, what I came to call an "un-date." It felt really weird to ask anyone for this un-date because it's like asking someone on a date but at the same time telling him you don't want to have a date with him. To my relief, both of the guys I asked seemed flattered and intrigued. But only one was available, since the event was on a, no pressure, Saturday night. The brave and daring organizers said there would be pool and foosball and no high-pressure situations. We were so curious: how bizarre was it going to be? What would happen?

Somehow since my female links to this event were in publishing, I had expectations for the crowd that turned out to be wildly inaccurate. I sort of thought the guys would be tweedy editors or chic art directors. But no one brought her coworkers. Everyone brought her financial advisor or something. You may know them as the pleated pants loafers guys from Hoboken. I think the crux of my problem with them was the lack of any personal style. Even the girls had put on uniforms of some kind. It was like being at University of Michigan. I guess I'm just a die-hard bohemian is all. Is there a singles night for them? On the other side of the coin, extremely indie rock guys tend to drive me wild with lack of desire. I mean on both sides there's this conformity that gets so stifling. "Yeah I'm just comfortable in this hoodie and gas station pants, they really just say 'me,' you know?"

It's scary to go outside of conforming. It can be really painful to put yourself out there and be rejected. And that's what happened to me on Saturday. I tried to dress up, but I wasn't wearing Seven jeans and heels and a push-up bra, which seems to cause people to be all "what *is* that? Is that a girl or a guy? Does not compute!" No but seriously. I felt a bit off in my orange dress. So for a while I was wallflowering it with my un-date and my girl friends, and then the hostess asked me to play doubles pool with her and two guys. As you may remember from last year's office party, I am good at pool. Not like Ryan on The O.C. good, but fairly competent. This seemed to make my male partner upset. After winning two games with me he asked some other girl to be his partner and when I asked him what happened he said "oh I thought you didn't want to play again." Whatever dude. I hate you anyway. Then this other guy comes up and I guess he was trying to flirt because he's all "Ooh nice SCRATCH!" and I said hah hah, but did you see all the ones I got in? "Naw I only saw you SCRATCH!" Repeat 2x.

I'm the first to admit that I'm hypersensitive but the evening left me so demoralized. Those guys seemed so bothered by my mad pool skillz. And no one laughed at my Lucille Ball antics either. So I'm supposed to "tone it down"? I thought you were supposed to "be yourself." I feel like I'm a pretty cool lady >sniff!< but guys just aren't into me. I just read "He's Just Not That Into You" and the whole time I was like "yeah, no shit, I never thought anyone was." Whine whine whine pity me...

new motifs

Check out my new "office coffee" and "hobo party" motifs on Cafe Press. Do note that any of the motifs can be put on any of their available products, just ask.
Later that same day...Hobo Party has its own storefront. You can't have two designs of one type of blank t-shirt in any given store, unless you pay extra for it. Weird/bad. By the way the bestselling item at Cafe Press is the "Vote For Pedro" t-shirt. Apparently this comes from Napoleon Dynamite, has anyone seen this? I LIVED IT, man, I don't need to see it.

trivia report: Bait and Tackle

Last night KE and I tried out the new trivia night at the new Bait and Tackle bar in Red Hook. It was a pretty good event I guess. There was no entrance fee and I think if you win you get a $50 ($15?) bar tab. If you come in last you get a novelty canned food product. We wouldn't know exactly, since we weren't quite first or last. The bar was pleasingly plump, not bursting at the seams with people. I would say maybe 10 teams? And one team was the Right Hon. Dr. Fact himself, emcee of the Buttermilk Trivia night, and his girlfriend the bartender whose name I don't know, and his musical accompanist Scott, and their event-specific bartender Francis. There is a team limit of 4 persons. We only had 2 because we were so spontaneous about going. There are only 31 questions and you only find out the answers when it's all over. So the event only took about an hour and a half, perfect for a working yuppie on the go like myself. Although...being so short it lacked that "then your whole evening is gone" quality that I usually seek out in my amusement choices. The questions were tough but fair. The bar is a bit hard to get to, you have to take the B61 bus or bike there. On the bar's website they advocate taking cabs(!) It's nice for the people who live in the neighborhood. The Pioneer Bar is right next door. Bait and Tackle's decor is more like "hunting and fishing." They have a bunch of taxidermy and lots of flotsam and jetsam (literally). As convincing as the layer of dust covering it is, it feels a little forced to me. I'd rather be at Sunny's where the dust is real and the built-up tchotckes were added gradually instead of just before the opening. Well what can you do? New bars can't be old right away. I was still more comfortable there than at the Dakota Roadhouse, where I went on Saturday.

first t-shirts

Aha! I have designed two t-shirts on Cafe Press.

lunch IV

I had to go to the library and the bank today so I thought I'd check out Madison Ave. and decided on Sophie's Cuban Cuisine. They were handing out menus on 6th other day and for once the handout was something I wanted, which was a shock to the system. Their sandwiches are $6. Since I can't digest cheese I got a pernil (roast pork) sandwich. If you want to eat there you have to get a table and have waitress service, even though the sandwiches are made in front of you and the other food is all behind the counter for the to-go customers. Somehow I found that annoying. Actually it's not mysterious why it annoyed me, it's because then I felt like I had to tip the lady even though she didn't do anything I couldn't have done myself. The pernil was ok. A little dry/tough. They put those weird fried potato strips on the sandwiches. Not french fries. More like potato chips. That product called "French's potato sticks." Formerly known as Durkee? It was all extremely salty. When I get back from a lunch like that I have to drink a gallon of water and I'm still thirsty. It's totally not South Beach.

Lunch III

Today I felt like I had to stay at my desk and TCB so I dashed out to "Speedy's Fresh Food Fast" without my coat on and got soup and a roll. It's $3-something, which is OK for a midtown lunch, except that I get hungry 3 hours later. Plus it was cold. That's ok because I have a microwave. I sort of like the food at Speedy's but I hate the experience. It's squeezed into this little triangular spot and is always packed with people. It's super hard to move around the place. Plus you end up spending tons of money. The salads are $6 and up, and even when you think you're being frugal at the hot-cold food buffet you end up spending $6.50. Oh plus there's no salad dressing at the salad bar. There's maybe one of those super thick and sweet italian dressings and a nasty ranch dressing. So what I usually do is take some of the already overdressed salads and mix it with the undressed greens to get some kind of happy medium. Another annoyance for me is having to struggle to get them not to wrap it up in all this packaging including all the plastic utensils and a handful of salt and pepper packets. What is this salt and pepper policy? I find it all so wasteful. So I'll struggle to stop one person from wrapping it up and immediately someone else will see this offensively unwrapped item and rush to wrap it up and put salt & pepper with it and I have to restrain them too. Sometimes I'll eat there in the upstairs seating area but like the downstairs it's a total circus. They really pack the people in, they definitely benefit from their location and the signage that says "clean, contemporary, soft-branded."

funny website

I want to make a t-shirt with a bichon frise on it. Even before I met Coco, I liked them. One time I passed a woman on 72nd st. with the most awesome bichon shirt ever. I can't find that one on the internet but I keep coming upon weirder and weirder items. Somehow just adding a bichon makes everything funny.

lunch II

Today I ate lunch at the Greenmarket in Union Square. I took the express train one stop so I could go to Barnes and Noble. They didn't have the book I wanted, and there weren't really lunch items. I ate a dry flax-sunflower roll and then got a super protein odwalla to balance it off when I got back. Why don't they have more lunch items at the Greenmarket? I feel like they would sell well. Most of the other ones I've been to, in other cities, totally have food you can eat right away. Maybe it's part of the market bylaws that they can't. I did manage to get a plant to keep me company at my desk. This might turn into a boring feature for the blog, actually.

herald square eating

Well now I want to talk about how hard it is to find lunch where I work, which is Herald/Greeley Square. Herald and Greeley Square are these two crap-ass parks that sit at the triangles where Broadway and 6th Ave cross at 34th St. There is nothing good to eat here. It goes from bad to mediocre. I'll just do this day by day.

Today I ate at Cafe Arome, on 32nd between 6th and 7th. I keep forgetting it's over there, then I'll remember and say "well it's just a standard deli, that should be good!" and then eat there and remember why I had actively put it out of my mind in the first place. It satisfies my hunger by making me never want to be around food again. That's how bad it is. It's hard to pinpoint why. They have pizza in the window so it seems like a pizza place, and plenty of people order it. But I have noticed that they are all foreigners. Not to be jingoistic, but that is suspicious to me. I want to say "stop! go somewhere else! you deserve better! this is not America!" The lettuce and tomato are white and yellow. The grilled chicken is microwaved into lead. The only upside is that they have a reasonable seating area. However it's filled with trash and quite depressing and they listen to Lite FM. I wonder how many more times I will forget and return there. I find that even now I am intrigued by their gyro sandwich.